Prayer & Purity

Instead of this week's post being about engagement {like originally planned}, I am going to answer several questions a faithful reader has asked.

Is it good to pray for your future husband + children even when you don't know them?

If so, why?  And what if you pray for them and God doesn't want you to get married?

Is it good to give your whole heart away in a courtship?

What if you're not sure God wants you to marry that person, but you've already given your heart to him?

These are wonderful questions, and I will attempt to answer them to the best of my ability.  So let's begin :)

Is it good to pray for your future husband + children even when you don't know them?

I absolutely believe in praying for your future husband + children.  You have the ability to pray for your future man's life and faith.  As well as having the ability to pray against any generational curses and for your future children's faith.

Just praying for your future husband's health, faith, purity, work, etc. is critical!  And the joy of being able to say “I've been praying for you for x amount of years” makes it even better.

The Bible says, “pray without ceasing” {1 Thessalonians 5:17} … never cease to pray for your future husband and children.

I really like the verse in 1 Samuel 1:27, “For this child I prayed; and the Lord hath given me my petition which I asked of him.”  Praying for your future children's well-being, faith, purity, modesty, education, etc. is also really important.  Why wait until you're expecting your first child to start praying?

Pray for your man + children now!

If so, why?  And what if you pray for them and God doesn't want you to get married?

Dear reader, prayer is extremely powerful and extremely important.  Allow me to tell you this way:

You're future husband is out in the world, living a normal day (just like you).  In fact, he's probably thinking about YOU right now.  However, he may going through a very tough trial right now.  Perhaps he feels lonely.  Maybe a family member ran away from home.  Maybe his dad lost his job.  Or perhaps his grandpa/grandma passed away.  Whatever the case maybe, your man may be struggling – and he needs prayer.  No you don't know that he's going through any of the above mentioned trials, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't pray for him.

Prayer isn't meant to be for an easy-peasy believing journey – it's meant for every circumstance of life.

Allow me to ask a question:

Do you thank God abundantly for giving you life?

If the answer was 'yes', then ladies, thank God for giving your future husband life.  Whatever you pray to God for, pray that for your future husband.

Now, in regards to the part of the question regarding the possibility of not getting married.

That's not for us to worry about, nor is it for us to know God sees fit to reveal that to us.  I say pray for your future husband and children – pray for them without ceasing … don't stop!

I would much rather stay single the rest of my life, praying for my future husband and children, than to get married and not have prayed for those special people.


Is it good to give your whole heart away in a courtship?

I kinda sorta hit on this in Courtship, however, I will go into a tad more detail here :)

There aren't “rules and regulations” when it comes to courtship.  So really when it comes to courtship, we have to keep the whole “what would Jesus do” in our minds – as well as ask “would I do this if Jesus was standing here?” (says the girl who has never been in a courtship haha).

Would you hang on the young man if Jesus was standing by you?
Would you kiss the young man?
Would you go all the way?

Keeping our hearts pure is extremely important!  Just because we are courting doesn't mean we need to throw purity out the window.  We need to be examples to the younger believers.  We need to raise the bar for the next generation.

Here is another reason it's important to save your whole heart.  What if you start seeing red flags?  What if you've done all you can do, and you have to call the courtship off?  If you have given your whole heart to the young man, then m'dear, you will be extremely hurt.  Plus, really you shouldn't call that courting, but dating.

I hate mentioning those what if's – but they're needed.

Keep your entire heart safe – even in a courtship.

What if you're not sure God wants you to marry that person, but you've already given your heart to him?

When you enter into a courtship, you should enter with the mindset of “we are planning on getting married”.  Courtship should never be entered if the gentleman and young woman don't know if the other is who God wants them to be with.  If they don't know for sure, then they need to diligently seek the Lord's guidance before entering into the courtship (no matter how long that takes).

Now, with the above said, allow me to preface with this:

the couple should be able to break the courtship off if need be.  They shouldn't feel obligated to continue if they don't have a peace about it.  Otherwise, waiting to call off the courtship will just make matters worse.

Like I've said before, keeping your heart safe in courtship (and friendships) is important.  You shouldn't give your heart away.

If you have, don't worry!  God will give you a clean and new pure heart (you will still have scars from your past), but you will be given a second chance.

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Prayer and purity are extremely important!

Pray for your future husband and children – no matter what!  Don't cease to pray for them … you never know if your prayers will make an impact if they are facing a tough trial :)

Keep your heart pure, not just in your friendships with young men, but also in your courtship.  Don't treat courtship like dating.  Treat courtship like the set apart, Christ-honoring relationship it should be.  Allow your courtship to reflect the love you and the gentleman have for Christ.

What are your thoughts on praying for your future husband and children?

What are your thoughts on keeping yourself pure in courtship?

Let's continue to sharpen iron ;)

Courtship

If you listen carefully, you will hear many teens in the Christian faith mention “courtship” or “intentional dating” or “dating with a purpose”.  It doesn't matter if they come from a some what liberal family, or an ultra conservative family – the term “courtship” or it's “relatives” are used.

I've had several people ask me the three following questions:

What is courtship?

Why is courtship becoming popular?

What does a “biblical” courtship vs. dating look like?

When I felt led to do this mini series, I knew I wanted to mention what I have observed in some of the courtships around me, and how I plan on implementing what I have learned to my courtship (whenever my time comes).

What is courtship or courting?
According to American Heritage Dictionary, courting means the following:

To attempt to gain the affections or love of; woo.

(there were many other definitions, but I loved this one)

Dear reader, I must tell you, I am having the most difficult time typing out what courtship is – and here is why.

Courtship is not biblical – I mean seriously, if you do a word study on courtship you won't succeed (although you may learn some new words from your concordance).  The only thing remotely close to courtship that I have found in Scripture is betrothal.

While I can tell you what other people say courtship is and isn't, there wouldn't be any merit to the answer because it wouldn't be based on Scripture.

Before I go on to the next question, I want to tell you what I think courtship is.  This is simply how I view courtship, everyone is entitled to their own view/opinion.

Courtship is a form of commitment and shouldn't be taken lightly.  It should be set apart from the dating scene, and treated with the attitude of seriousness + responsibility.

Why is courtship becoming popular?
I don't have all the answers nor do I claim to, however I truly believe that people are searching for something more than what they've been taught.  They see young people who are not dating, so they decide to implement what they see in their own family – which is absolutely great!
People like to be challenged (or at least they used to be).  True “biblical” courtship presents a challenge to others.  No matter what, nor no matter if they want to admit it or not.  A challenge is set to raise the bar for the current generation.  However, people also need to realize that just because you use the term “courtship” doesn't mean you are actually courting.  Courtship is intended to be set apart from the world, not conform.


What does a “biblical” courtship vs. dating look like?
Today you hear about how “Sally and Joe are courting” or “Joe and Sally have entered into a dating-courtship relationship” (the last one just gets to me – arrrg) or something like that.  So what's the difference between courting Joe or dating Joe?

Remember how I said that “{Courtship} should be set apart from the dating scene, and treated with the attitude of seriousness + responsibility”?  That's the difference between the two – allow me to explain.

Dating is based on mutual attraction, lack of respect, lack of commitment, and usually done for the fun.

Courtship is based on friendship, prayer, God's guidance, commitment, and respect.

I have seen so many young ladies get hurt from dating (and courting) because of a lack of commitment.  It breaks my heart to see that and thankfully I have learned how I can prevent heartbreak in my own life (Lord-willing), when the time comes.  The steps of precaution could be as follows:

** Make sure you are entering for the right reasons, and that God is leading you to this step.  If you simply think God wants you to enter into a courtship, then you need to wait and continue to pray for however long it takes.

** Ask the young man important questions (yes before you say “yes” to courting him).  There is nothing wrong with asking questions before (unless of course they are not appropriate before courtship).  It's better to ask him now, than to have to call the courtship off three – six months down the road.

Questions could be as follows:

** Why do you wish to court me?
** Will you find me beautiful after 10 years of marriage?
** Do you plan on this leading into marriage?
** What are your views of modest dress after marriage?
** What are your convictions in music?
** How many children do you want?
** Are you open to homeschooling?

You all may think that these questions are ridiculous, but I have observed so many courtships fall apart (or engagements called off) because these questions weren't addressed before.

When you ask the first question “why do you wish to court me?” you will most likely get the answer “because you're beautiful”.(let's admit it, guys like pretty girls LOL – and they like to let girls know that).  Ladies, don't settle for that answer – keep asking him, and make sure you get that correct answer: “because I feel God leading me to court you”.

When I first thought of the second question, I laughed at myself!  Why would his view of beauty, after you are married, matter???  However, as I slept on it, and thought about it, I understood the importance of it.

Reader, you are beautiful – always will be!  However, you will be a different beautiful 10 years from now.  You wont' have youthful beauty, you'll have the beauty from having kids, new wrinkles, perhaps a couple gray hairs.  You'll have beauty of an older woman – a blessed woman of God, raising her kids + honoring her husband of 10 years.  While others will find you beautiful, will your man?

** Ask your parents to help you put him in situations (without him knowing) in which he'll be comfortable so you can see how he responds to criticism, if he takes no for an answer, if he takes instruction, etc.  Do this while you're still observing him.  Pray and ask God to allow you to see him in some of those circumstances without “setting him up”.  I have done this recently, and I'm amazed at how God granted me what I asked.

What do I mean by commitment?

When I talk about commitment, I'm not talking about promising each other that you will remain faithful.  I mean you walk out the new season of life you both are in as if you are getting married.  Instead of saying “if we get married” say “when we get married”.  A couple shouldn't enter a courtship unless they have the plans of getting married.  Otherwise, they are simply dating – let's simply call it like it is.  If a couple doesn't plan on getting married, that's the same as dating – if they get married great, if not oh well, there is someone else better.
Also, if a young man is seeking to enter a courtship, he needs to make sure he will be ready for marriage when God says “marry her”.  How is a young man supposed to obey that call from God, if he doesn't even have a job?  Before a young man ever goes to the father of the young lady, he needs to have a job of some sort.  If God were to tell him “marry her” will be able to say “yes Lord” and have confidence that he can support her??

Courtship isn't to be taken lightly!  It's not like dating – we need to understand that in a courtship there is a huge responsibility that comes with saying yes to a courtship.  You are to take the steps with God's guidance, and caution, and faith, and full trust in the person you've said yes to.

The most important thing I've learned about courtship is:

it needs to reflect the love the couple has for their Savior, for each other, and each others purity.

Everyone has their own views of what courtship looks like and should be.  Everything I've written today, is simply how I feel God would want me to carry out my future courtship.

What are your thoughts on courtship?

Let the iron sharpening continue ;)

Stay Tuned For A Mini-Series

I'm sure some of you laughed when you read what the mini-series will be about.  That's fine, you can laugh, but I think it's extremely important for single girls to form their views of love before they have a man win their heart.

In this four part series I will be talking about the following:

guy/girl friendships

courtship

engagement

marriage

This mini-series will begin December 24, 2015 and will end January 14, 2016.

So join me, as  you hear what a single girl's views are in regards relationships.

What are you most looking forward to in regards to this mini-series?

I would love to hear from you :)