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| Photo from Google Images |
(a letter to Will, my biological
father)
It's been nearly 12 years since you
last spoke to me; 16 since you last saw me.
Do you ever wonder how I'm
doing?
Do you ever wonder who I look like –
you or Mom?
I've decided to stay away from the
dating game, and have devoted my life to that of physical + emotional purity
for almost 12 years. I've made the
decision to stay away from drugs + alcohol.
Would you be proud of me?
I got my learner's permit at 15 and
my license at 18.
Would you have taught me how to
drive, or Mom?
Would you be concerned for my safety
out on the road?
I gave my life to Christ at 9 and rededicated
my life to Him when I was 17! I don't
regret either of these decisions.
Have you given your life to
Christ?
Would you have been the one praying
with me?
In school, I really enjoyed Algebra +
spelling.
Did you enjoy these subjects too?
June 7, 2014 I graduated high school
as our family's very first home-school graduate. I don't want to go to college, but would
rather allow God to direct my steps.
Would you have allowed Mom to
home-school me?
Would my decision of not going to
college bother you?
I've always felt drawn to Africa, in
fact God has called me to go in the near future.
Did you ever think “God's going to do
great things in her life”?
I've been playing the piano for 13
years. Mom tells me that your sister
Sabrina played the piano as well.
Did you ever think I would inherit
that gift?
I wear glasses all the time – just like
your bother Harry.
Did it ever dawn on you that I too
would wear glasses?
I no longer have long blond hair, but
now have long brown hair. Mom says that
as I get older, I have your color hair more and more. She also tells me that I have your beautiful
blue eyes.
Would this make you proud?
I've always held extra weight, which
Mom says runs in both families. I'm
really trying to lose weight and be healthier.
Would you tell me I'm beautiful the
way I am?
When I was born, you wanted my name
to be “Alisha”.
Did you ever think that I would love
the name YOU chose?
Did you ever think that the little
girl you held in your arms would cherish the fact that her biological father
picked her first name?
I never went out for that promised
birthday lunch/dinner with you.
Do you ever regret “forgetting” that
promise, but instead moving away with your new family and dog?
When I was six, you signed off
parental rights for another man to take your place.
Didn't that break your heart?
Have you ever wondered if he raised
me “right”?
I've only spoken to you one time on
the phone.
Do you regret never calling me again?
You left over the road when I was
three weeks old. Not putting in much
effort to be the father (or dad) I needed.
You didn't really care about the responsibility of being a father, you
just wanted the title.
It use to
break my heart to know that you didn't love me enough to [at least] try to be
my dad. Perhaps I should be mad because
you not only made me suffer, but you made Mom suffer too.
But it doesn't break my heart
anymore, because God blessed me abundantly.
He took care of everything and turned it around for the good.
I was blessed with an amazing, Godly
man to raise me. Yes, I have the best
dad in the world! Because of your
decisions, I have been blessed to have Daniel raise me for the past 16
years. He's my hero, and I love him so
much. No - Daniel's not perfect. But... he tries – and that's all that matters
to me – the effort he puts forth.
And for the record… I'm not mad about
the heartache you caused Mom either. Because,
in Daniel, God blessed Mom with an amazing husband, who treats her with the respect
and compassion any woman deserves.
So -
even though you never cared about or tried being my dad, the very few
times that you were around meant/still means the world to me and I hold on to
those memories, still. The smallest of
things like:
** reading to me before bed
** picking me up from preschool
** teaching me how to yo-yo (I still
can't to this day figure it out)
** correcting me after I stuck my
tongue out at you
** the time you called me “baby girl”
and said “I love you”
Will, now that I'm older, I finally
realize that I can't stay mad at you forever – nor can I hold a grudge against
you forever; that's just emotionally draining + goes against the Bible. What good is life if I'm going to live it
emotionally drained!?
Will, on this day I make the choice
to forgive you, completely.
I forgive you for walking out. I forgive you for signing-off your parental
rights. I forgive you for forgetting
that birthday lunch. I forgive you for
never calling me back.
I love you, Will. What you have done in the past won't change
that. I want you to know - that I don't love you like I love Mom and Daddy. I love you like a brother. That's what you are – a brother in
Christ. I no longer think of you as my
father nor do I consider you my dad. You
didn't want that responsibility (which is fine).
Daniel has been not only a great
father, but a wonderful Daddy. When he
“bought the farm...” (as you so eloquently put it), he made me his girl. And I made him my Daddy. Like I've said before, he's by no means
perfect. But being a dad doesn't mean
you have to be perfect! All a child
cares about is Daddy being there for them, loving them, raising them to be in
the likeness of Christ – taking
responsibility. And really that's all
Daniel does.
That's all I have to say … for
now. I do, however, have one last
question:
I'm always thinking about you.
Do you think of me?
