Beauty from Ashes

"I will give them a crown of beauty instead of ashes. I will give them the oil of joy instead of sorrow, and a spirit of praise instead of a spirit of no hope." ~ Isaiah 61:3 (NLV)

Mistakes.  They are a normal part of life, no matter how hard we try to avoid them.  In fact, the harder we try to avoid mistakes, the more they seem to make a grand appearance.  That's what makes us human - despite what our young adult selves wanna think.

However, let's take it a step further ... let's talk about repetitive mistakes. 

When we make mistakes over and over and over again.  Even though we know those mistakes are wrong, but we don't do anything to change.  Or even if we want to change, but we are worried that we've drifted too far from the Lord ... could He take us back?

The past year and half, I have been living life by my own doing ... the way I've wanted to live it.  I never lost sight of my Savior, but I didn't make room for Him in my life, or my heart.  I let corruption, sin, and every bad thing of the world in.  I was in an ungodly relationship.  I noticed that I wasn't myself anymore, and I couldn't get to the old me ... no matter how hard I tried.  I was anxious all the time.  I was worried/scared that I had fallen so far from God, that He wouldn't take me back.

It wasn't until about three weeks ago that I prayed that God would help me get back to Him.  It was during that prayer, that I knew the first step was to end the relationship.  It was during this prayer, that I had my first conversation with God.

"God, I can't do that.  I love him ... and he loves me!"

"Alisha, do you love Me?"

"Of course I love You!"

"If you love Me, then why were you so quick to end your relationship with Me?  I can offer so much more than Casey ever could.  I want to be your First Love.  I have so much in store for you, but I can't give it to you, until you come back to Me!"

"Okay Lord.  Help me end my relationship with him, I can't do this alone.  I want to be Yours and only Yours.  I love You!"

"I love you too!"

And as a God of His Word, He helped me.  My relationship has ended, and to be honest ... I couldn't be happier.

My view of singleness is so dramatically different.  I don't feel burdened to be single once again ... in fact, it's the opposite - I feel honored!  I love not having to put effort into anyone but me!  I'm all God's, only God's, and that's how it will stay!

I feel as if a huge burden has been lifted, and I am so glad that I listened to God!  When He said that He has so much in store, I wasn't expecting this.

I can't wait to spend this time to get to know Alisha and find out what she's made of!!  2018 is gonna be the year I blossom into God's best, and I'm so excited!!

God truly has made beauty from ashes!!

Engagement : depicting Christ and the church

I want to apologize for the delay in getting this portion the mini-series up.  Being that life seems to have slowed down (a tad), I should be finishing up the series next week (Lord-willing).

Okay, we've talked about following:

Guy/girl friendships  – how we should strive to keep them closely casual.  We also talked about needing to find the middle ground, and the importance of giving the friendship to God.

Courtship  – how it's a form of “commitment” and shouldn't be taken lightly.  How it should be set apart from the dating scene, and treated with the attitude of seriousness + responsibility.

Prayer & Purity - how it's important to keep our hearts pure, not just in our friendships with young men, but also in our courtship.  How we shouldn't treat courtship like dating.  Instead we are to treat courtship like the set apart, Christ-honoring relationship it should be.  How we should allow our courtship to reflect the love we and the gentleman have for Christ.

So let's talk about the next step – engagement.

Engagement.
It has finally happened!!  You're engaged.  You said “yes”, have a beautiful ring to show off, and now have a wedding to plan.  After watching my dear friend get married the 30th of last month, I began asking myself a few questions, that I just recently had answered (another reason the posts have been delayed).  

What is engagement?

Do you call off an engagement?

How can you depict Christ loving His Bride (the church)?

How do you make engagement set apart?

What is engagement?
Depending on who you ask, most people will tell you that engagement is a life-long commitment between a couple (or at least that what someone told me).  When I was told this, it really made me ponder.

Is engagement really a life-long commitment?

The reason I really began to question it being a commitment, is because I know of at least two couples (possibly more) who have called off an engagement.  If it is a commitment, then shouldn't they have followed through?

Being the type of gal who needs her questions answered … because she has to know everything, I looked up engagement.  Here is the definition I found:

A formal agreement to get married

Reader, engagement isn't a commitment!  To be committed is to be wholeheartedly dedicated to something.  We are committed to Christ.  We are committed to living as peculiar people (set apart).  If engagement were a commitment, then why call it off??  

Would you dare call off your commitment to Christ??

Do you call off an engagement?
I know of at least a couple engagements that have been called off.  I have seen the heartache that it causes, the lack of trust that enters into the hearts of both parties, etc.

We just talked how engagement isn't a commitment, but merely an agreement to marry a person.  I personally believe that this "mindset" is being abused - especially in the world of young adults.

When a couple faces trials and tribulation, they should strive to work through the hard times together, not immediately call off the engagement.  What you practice now will carry through into marriage.  Engagement today is, in a sense, like dating - practice for divorce.

So here is my point of view on whether you should call off an engagement.

A couple should try their hardest to work through any trials and tribulation they are facing.  Even if that means that they postpone the wedding for a bit.  Once the couple has done everything to the best of their abilities (prayer included), then they need to discuss where to go from there.  Whether that's postpone the wedding or calling off the engagement.

If a couple can't learn how to work through life's problems, then how will they survive the hardships, trials, and tribulations of marriage??  

How can you depict Christ loving the church?
Any couple has this potential.  It doesn't matter if you are a believer or a non-believer.  Every couple and every relationship has the potential of depicting Christ loving the church.  It just takes effort – sure there will be trials, but when you are striving to be like Christ, going through the trials side by side will make you stronger as a couple.

Do you think Paul was simply talking to the believers in Ephesians 5: 22-33?  Absolutely not!!  He was talking to all husbands and all wives.  There isn't a special sect that needs to obey, and doesn't have to.

So what are some ways to depict Christ loving the church?

- diligently seeking the Lord's guidance in every aspect
- making Christ the center focus of your relationship
- praying for other's to see Christ working through your relationship
- being submissive to your special someone in every aspect (practice now ladies)
- discussing major "issues", events, etc., with that special someone
- being respectful (even in your friendship)
- don't nag or complain about your man.  You have been incredibly blessed!!
- realize that he isn't perfect and that he never will be.

Those are just a few that came to my mind at the moment.  Pray and ask God to show you ways that you can depict Christ and His church.


How can you make engagement set apart?
I have been praying and searching for ways that my man and I can do to make our engagement season special and set apart.  I have studied out betrothal - while I like what it stands for, I won't be doing (unless y'all have a money tree to share lol).  So I prayerfully decided to apply some of the things from betrothal (now I just have to hope that my man is open to them haha).

Here are some ways that I have come up with - enjoy :)

** In the sight of both families, say special "vows" or promises to each other.  Binding our hearts together in the sight of God

** Both families choose the time to be elapsed between engagement and wedding

** Discuss with both sets of parents boundaries you two would like to set.

** Have a field day full of games, food, and fellowship.  Plan it so out of town guests can join in on the fun.  Have the games be bride vs. groom, maid of honor vs. best man, or the bride's party vs. the groom's party.  The field day can take place of the typical bachelor and bachelorette parties.

** Appropriately cultivate "romance" in your preparation for the spiritual and emotional unity in marriage.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

It all comes down to this:

take the typical stereo-type engagement and make it a commitment.  Seek God in all aspects.  Learn how to work through the hardships, trials, and tribulations together.  But most importantly, work together to make your engagement special and YOUnique.

What are your thoughts on engagement?

Let the iron sharpening continue ;)

Prayer & Purity

Instead of this week's post being about engagement {like originally planned}, I am going to answer several questions a faithful reader has asked.

Is it good to pray for your future husband + children even when you don't know them?

If so, why?  And what if you pray for them and God doesn't want you to get married?

Is it good to give your whole heart away in a courtship?

What if you're not sure God wants you to marry that person, but you've already given your heart to him?

These are wonderful questions, and I will attempt to answer them to the best of my ability.  So let's begin :)

Is it good to pray for your future husband + children even when you don't know them?

I absolutely believe in praying for your future husband + children.  You have the ability to pray for your future man's life and faith.  As well as having the ability to pray against any generational curses and for your future children's faith.

Just praying for your future husband's health, faith, purity, work, etc. is critical!  And the joy of being able to say “I've been praying for you for x amount of years” makes it even better.

The Bible says, “pray without ceasing” {1 Thessalonians 5:17} … never cease to pray for your future husband and children.

I really like the verse in 1 Samuel 1:27, “For this child I prayed; and the Lord hath given me my petition which I asked of him.”  Praying for your future children's well-being, faith, purity, modesty, education, etc. is also really important.  Why wait until you're expecting your first child to start praying?

Pray for your man + children now!

If so, why?  And what if you pray for them and God doesn't want you to get married?

Dear reader, prayer is extremely powerful and extremely important.  Allow me to tell you this way:

You're future husband is out in the world, living a normal day (just like you).  In fact, he's probably thinking about YOU right now.  However, he may going through a very tough trial right now.  Perhaps he feels lonely.  Maybe a family member ran away from home.  Maybe his dad lost his job.  Or perhaps his grandpa/grandma passed away.  Whatever the case maybe, your man may be struggling – and he needs prayer.  No you don't know that he's going through any of the above mentioned trials, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't pray for him.

Prayer isn't meant to be for an easy-peasy believing journey – it's meant for every circumstance of life.

Allow me to ask a question:

Do you thank God abundantly for giving you life?

If the answer was 'yes', then ladies, thank God for giving your future husband life.  Whatever you pray to God for, pray that for your future husband.

Now, in regards to the part of the question regarding the possibility of not getting married.

That's not for us to worry about, nor is it for us to know God sees fit to reveal that to us.  I say pray for your future husband and children – pray for them without ceasing … don't stop!

I would much rather stay single the rest of my life, praying for my future husband and children, than to get married and not have prayed for those special people.


Is it good to give your whole heart away in a courtship?

I kinda sorta hit on this in Courtship, however, I will go into a tad more detail here :)

There aren't “rules and regulations” when it comes to courtship.  So really when it comes to courtship, we have to keep the whole “what would Jesus do” in our minds – as well as ask “would I do this if Jesus was standing here?” (says the girl who has never been in a courtship haha).

Would you hang on the young man if Jesus was standing by you?
Would you kiss the young man?
Would you go all the way?

Keeping our hearts pure is extremely important!  Just because we are courting doesn't mean we need to throw purity out the window.  We need to be examples to the younger believers.  We need to raise the bar for the next generation.

Here is another reason it's important to save your whole heart.  What if you start seeing red flags?  What if you've done all you can do, and you have to call the courtship off?  If you have given your whole heart to the young man, then m'dear, you will be extremely hurt.  Plus, really you shouldn't call that courting, but dating.

I hate mentioning those what if's – but they're needed.

Keep your entire heart safe – even in a courtship.

What if you're not sure God wants you to marry that person, but you've already given your heart to him?

When you enter into a courtship, you should enter with the mindset of “we are planning on getting married”.  Courtship should never be entered if the gentleman and young woman don't know if the other is who God wants them to be with.  If they don't know for sure, then they need to diligently seek the Lord's guidance before entering into the courtship (no matter how long that takes).

Now, with the above said, allow me to preface with this:

the couple should be able to break the courtship off if need be.  They shouldn't feel obligated to continue if they don't have a peace about it.  Otherwise, waiting to call off the courtship will just make matters worse.

Like I've said before, keeping your heart safe in courtship (and friendships) is important.  You shouldn't give your heart away.

If you have, don't worry!  God will give you a clean and new pure heart (you will still have scars from your past), but you will be given a second chance.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Prayer and purity are extremely important!

Pray for your future husband and children – no matter what!  Don't cease to pray for them … you never know if your prayers will make an impact if they are facing a tough trial :)

Keep your heart pure, not just in your friendships with young men, but also in your courtship.  Don't treat courtship like dating.  Treat courtship like the set apart, Christ-honoring relationship it should be.  Allow your courtship to reflect the love you and the gentleman have for Christ.

What are your thoughts on praying for your future husband and children?

What are your thoughts on keeping yourself pure in courtship?

Let's continue to sharpen iron ;)

Courtship

If you listen carefully, you will hear many teens in the Christian faith mention “courtship” or “intentional dating” or “dating with a purpose”.  It doesn't matter if they come from a some what liberal family, or an ultra conservative family – the term “courtship” or it's “relatives” are used.

I've had several people ask me the three following questions:

What is courtship?

Why is courtship becoming popular?

What does a “biblical” courtship vs. dating look like?

When I felt led to do this mini series, I knew I wanted to mention what I have observed in some of the courtships around me, and how I plan on implementing what I have learned to my courtship (whenever my time comes).

What is courtship or courting?
According to American Heritage Dictionary, courting means the following:

To attempt to gain the affections or love of; woo.

(there were many other definitions, but I loved this one)

Dear reader, I must tell you, I am having the most difficult time typing out what courtship is – and here is why.

Courtship is not biblical – I mean seriously, if you do a word study on courtship you won't succeed (although you may learn some new words from your concordance).  The only thing remotely close to courtship that I have found in Scripture is betrothal.

While I can tell you what other people say courtship is and isn't, there wouldn't be any merit to the answer because it wouldn't be based on Scripture.

Before I go on to the next question, I want to tell you what I think courtship is.  This is simply how I view courtship, everyone is entitled to their own view/opinion.

Courtship is a form of commitment and shouldn't be taken lightly.  It should be set apart from the dating scene, and treated with the attitude of seriousness + responsibility.

Why is courtship becoming popular?
I don't have all the answers nor do I claim to, however I truly believe that people are searching for something more than what they've been taught.  They see young people who are not dating, so they decide to implement what they see in their own family – which is absolutely great!
People like to be challenged (or at least they used to be).  True “biblical” courtship presents a challenge to others.  No matter what, nor no matter if they want to admit it or not.  A challenge is set to raise the bar for the current generation.  However, people also need to realize that just because you use the term “courtship” doesn't mean you are actually courting.  Courtship is intended to be set apart from the world, not conform.


What does a “biblical” courtship vs. dating look like?
Today you hear about how “Sally and Joe are courting” or “Joe and Sally have entered into a dating-courtship relationship” (the last one just gets to me – arrrg) or something like that.  So what's the difference between courting Joe or dating Joe?

Remember how I said that “{Courtship} should be set apart from the dating scene, and treated with the attitude of seriousness + responsibility”?  That's the difference between the two – allow me to explain.

Dating is based on mutual attraction, lack of respect, lack of commitment, and usually done for the fun.

Courtship is based on friendship, prayer, God's guidance, commitment, and respect.

I have seen so many young ladies get hurt from dating (and courting) because of a lack of commitment.  It breaks my heart to see that and thankfully I have learned how I can prevent heartbreak in my own life (Lord-willing), when the time comes.  The steps of precaution could be as follows:

** Make sure you are entering for the right reasons, and that God is leading you to this step.  If you simply think God wants you to enter into a courtship, then you need to wait and continue to pray for however long it takes.

** Ask the young man important questions (yes before you say “yes” to courting him).  There is nothing wrong with asking questions before (unless of course they are not appropriate before courtship).  It's better to ask him now, than to have to call the courtship off three – six months down the road.

Questions could be as follows:

** Why do you wish to court me?
** Will you find me beautiful after 10 years of marriage?
** Do you plan on this leading into marriage?
** What are your views of modest dress after marriage?
** What are your convictions in music?
** How many children do you want?
** Are you open to homeschooling?

You all may think that these questions are ridiculous, but I have observed so many courtships fall apart (or engagements called off) because these questions weren't addressed before.

When you ask the first question “why do you wish to court me?” you will most likely get the answer “because you're beautiful”.(let's admit it, guys like pretty girls LOL – and they like to let girls know that).  Ladies, don't settle for that answer – keep asking him, and make sure you get that correct answer: “because I feel God leading me to court you”.

When I first thought of the second question, I laughed at myself!  Why would his view of beauty, after you are married, matter???  However, as I slept on it, and thought about it, I understood the importance of it.

Reader, you are beautiful – always will be!  However, you will be a different beautiful 10 years from now.  You wont' have youthful beauty, you'll have the beauty from having kids, new wrinkles, perhaps a couple gray hairs.  You'll have beauty of an older woman – a blessed woman of God, raising her kids + honoring her husband of 10 years.  While others will find you beautiful, will your man?

** Ask your parents to help you put him in situations (without him knowing) in which he'll be comfortable so you can see how he responds to criticism, if he takes no for an answer, if he takes instruction, etc.  Do this while you're still observing him.  Pray and ask God to allow you to see him in some of those circumstances without “setting him up”.  I have done this recently, and I'm amazed at how God granted me what I asked.

What do I mean by commitment?

When I talk about commitment, I'm not talking about promising each other that you will remain faithful.  I mean you walk out the new season of life you both are in as if you are getting married.  Instead of saying “if we get married” say “when we get married”.  A couple shouldn't enter a courtship unless they have the plans of getting married.  Otherwise, they are simply dating – let's simply call it like it is.  If a couple doesn't plan on getting married, that's the same as dating – if they get married great, if not oh well, there is someone else better.
Also, if a young man is seeking to enter a courtship, he needs to make sure he will be ready for marriage when God says “marry her”.  How is a young man supposed to obey that call from God, if he doesn't even have a job?  Before a young man ever goes to the father of the young lady, he needs to have a job of some sort.  If God were to tell him “marry her” will be able to say “yes Lord” and have confidence that he can support her??

Courtship isn't to be taken lightly!  It's not like dating – we need to understand that in a courtship there is a huge responsibility that comes with saying yes to a courtship.  You are to take the steps with God's guidance, and caution, and faith, and full trust in the person you've said yes to.

The most important thing I've learned about courtship is:

it needs to reflect the love the couple has for their Savior, for each other, and each others purity.

Everyone has their own views of what courtship looks like and should be.  Everything I've written today, is simply how I feel God would want me to carry out my future courtship.

What are your thoughts on courtship?

Let the iron sharpening continue ;)

Frienships Between Guys + Girls || A Single Girl's Notes

Photo from Pinterest

Friendships between guys and girls.
One of the many basic yet so complex situations in life (yes dear reader, you will need to know advanced math for this post LOL … not really, I'm only joking).

One of the many “unavoidable” situations in life.  I say unavoidable because, look around you.  You see these friendships everywhere – no matter what the ages of the parties involved may be.  In fact, it's normal to have a guy friend (or a dozen) when you're a little girl.  But, oh dear reader, once you hit your teen years – well, you just start getting teased about it (and allow me to just say that it doesn't change when you're nearly 21).  No matter what the ages are, nor what the situations may be … every girl has a guy friend and he as a girl friend.

Are these friendships wrong?
Some people will tell you that having guy friends is absolutely inappropriate.  While I believe it can be, it's not necessarily always the case.  You simply just have to learn how to act around them, and yes dearie, there will be trial and error, but as long as you be careful not to give yourself away, you'll be fine.

Growing up, I always had guy friends, no matter what.  I wasn't forced to have one, it was a choice that  I made.  To be with honest with y'all …

guy friends are awesome!

There's no drama (well there is, but not the girl drama lol), they tell the best jokes, and they are friends that I can just be me around (while keeping it appropriate).

Also, a young lady needs to have at least a couple friends that she doesn't have to be a confident to, or give Biblical advice to, or lend a shoulder to cry on.  While all the things listed are great qualities to have in a friendship, it's sometimes draining.  In my honest opinion, appropriate friendships with young men provide a very casual friendship – no advice, no shoulder, no confidence!

Okay, please allow me to back paddle for a minute (or more).

While guy friends are awesome to have, we as young ladies also need to be careful that we don't give ourselves away.  Ladies, if we are going to be friends with guys, we cannot get emotionally attached the way we do with our girl friends.  We need to understand the fine line between being too friendly + being too snobbish – we need to find the middle ground.

We can't go to Joe and tell him about our ever day problems like we do with Sally.  Nor should Joe do the same thing – we need to keep our friendships at a casual level or in the words of my friend Mr. Closely Casual:

"keep it closely casual"

Mr. Closely Casual and I did just that.  We weren't at a low casual level, but we also tried to keep personal matters out of the friendship.  Sure we would say “please pray for my family” or “pray for me, I can't get the memorization down for the upcoming quiz” or anything along those lines.  But never once did we lend each other a shoulder to cry on, or offer Biblical advice (Bible quizzing advice doesn't count LOL).  We kept our friendship at closely casual friendship – however, we did make some mistakes (as you are about to see in a minute).

Where do we draw the line?
Looking back at my friendship with Mr. Closely Casual, I made a few mistakes.  While I regret them, I'm thankful that they weren't things that cost me anything more than a simple laugh at myself and my parents telling me “you two are too close!”.  Here is a list of Do's and Don'ts that I've made up, these aren't rules for everyone to follow.  These are the “rules” I am following in my new friendship with a young man.

DON'T exchange emails, numbers, etc.
No matter your “reason” for exchanging the information – don't.  You will undoubtedly get emotionally attached with him, and will become blinded in where to draw the line.
Mr. Closely Casual and I started off emailing strictly about Bible quizzing, then it grew to recipes.  Before we knew it, we were exchanging prayer requests.
A missionary friend and I exchanged numbers, strictly so I could send him the pictures I took while he was visiting.  While I wasn't texting him after the fact (I had learned my lesson with emailing), he started texting me after he left … he even called me.  This made me uncomfortable, and I asked Daddy to confront him.

It doesn't matter why you start off emailing, etc., eventually it will grow, and grow, and grow.
Save yourself now, so you won't have any regrets three years down the road.

DON'T follow their blog, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook etc.
It may seem small, but this can do just as much damage!

In the very beginning of my blogging experience, I followed two blogs written by young men (other girls followed, so I was okay to as well).
While I was reading those two blogs, I found that devil was using this to lead my astray.  I began thinking “he seems to be a wonderful Godly man” or “hmmm what if he's the one?” for no reason either!  I had never even met them, but I grew somewhat emotionally attached.  Sure these young men were writing uplifting, God-glorifying, encouraging posts, but they were pouring their heart out.

We as young ladies don't need to know the heart of a man until God brings us the right one into our lives.

DON'T tell them everything
I got to the point of wanting to tell Mr. Closely Casual everything.  Why?  Because of giving myself away emotionally + because I shared a more “personal” prayer request (I believe it was about a family member, but don't remember really).  In the moment I told him the prayer request, it felt good.  He listened, and I knew he'd pray (he had been through the same thing I had).

Ladies, unless a commitment has been made, keep it to yourself.

As you can see, boundaries are wonderful – I wish I knew this four years back :P  Thankfully God is giving me a second chance, and I get to apply these boundaries in my current friendship.  Some people think that boundaries are only for courtship and engagement, but really they aren't.  Once you have boundaries set in the friendship, your guy friend will respect them and you.

Now for the do's I've learned.  These are fun to implement … so enjoy ;)

DO be kind
If he smiles + says “hi” – do the same.  Don't be snobbish and think that you can't talk to a guy without sounding flirtatious, but don't be too friendly either.  Just because he smiles and says “hi” doesn't mean he was inviting you to sit by him.  Simply return the kindness and do the same thing he did :)

DO answer his question
If he asks “how has your week been”, answer the poor guy, but don't offer anymore information than what the question asked for.  Simply answer with “it's been great” or “it could have been better” and ask the question back.  If he asks “did you do anything exciting” then that's when you can give a tad more information, but exchange the kindness :)

DO make him feel special – purely
I've just recently learned this, so I don't know a whole lot yet lol.  I am, however, very thankful for God's guidance in this area.  Guys like to feel special – no matter what.  So if y'all are talking about your favorite books and he asks you if you'd like to borrow one of his, say “yes”.  Who knows, you may find a new book series you like – I know I did.  If he asks you to pray that God grants him with a nephew, pray for it.  The smile you get is well worth it.  If he tells you a corny joke, laugh at it and encourage him (unless he admits that it was really bad LOL).

Drawing the line has always been tough for me, because I don't want to come across uninterested in certain things.  Now in my current friendship I find it very easy to draw the line, but I did something completely different.  The difference this time is:

I gave the friendship to God + asked Him to make it glorifying to Him.

Give your friendship to God!  Once you do, boundaries are a whole lot easier to set and keep :)

Do we go out looking for them?
Some girls go out looking for friendships with young men, however I don't find that appropriate.  If God wants you to be friends with a young man, He'll bring the young man along.

If you'd tell me three years ago that my friend and I would be friends, I don't think I would have believed you haha.  However, God knows what each of us need in order to grow in our faith, learn different things, and make a difference in someone.

Thing is, I didn't go out looking for a friendship with this gentleman (nor any of the others) … God seriously dropped it in my lap.

So to make this section sweet, brief, and to the point …

no we don't go out looking for them.  God has placed the people you have in your life for a reason.  When He thinks you're ready for new people (or a new person), He will bring them along.

What about if we admire him?
Every girl admires something in a young man – especially if they've been raised properly.  It's not bad to admire something in someone, unless it consumes you (then m'dear you have a crush on your hands).

The difference between admiration and have a crush is the following:

Admiration
noting why you noticed him + making note of those qualities that caught your attention.

Having a crush
when you dwell on the young man 24/7 for 365 days

If you admire your guy friend, then give him to God.  There is something that happens (I can't explain it) when you do this crucial step.  After you've given him to God, step back from your friendship for a tad.  This doesn't have to be for a long time, but just long enough for you to know if your focus is on that which is above.  Keep your focus on your First Love – Jesus.  Get lost in admiration for Him first.

What about physical contact?
I'm an advocate for a contact free friendship.  There shouldn't be intentional contact between a young man and a young woman until there is a commitment made.

Now of course there a few things to consider that wouldn't be inappropriate:

If you and your group of friends are playing in a dark hayloft, with holes everywhere in the floor.  And your guy friend needs to guide you, then obviously it's okay if he leads you be the hand.

If you two end up standing next to each other in the circle of a bunch of family friends who are holding hands during prayer … well then you do the same thing.

It's when there is no reason for the contact (other than simply attraction) that it's appropriate.
If we can find the middle ground for our friendships with guys, we will be better off :)

So remember to keep it casual/closely casual, be kind, and be the greatest friend you can be!  You never know if you are making a difference in your friends life.

** Stay tuned for Courtship **

What are some Do's and Don'ts that you have come up in regards to friendships with young men?

Comment and tell me, let's start the iron sharpening ;)

Stay Tuned For A Mini-Series

I'm sure some of you laughed when you read what the mini-series will be about.  That's fine, you can laugh, but I think it's extremely important for single girls to form their views of love before they have a man win their heart.

In this four part series I will be talking about the following:

guy/girl friendships

courtship

engagement

marriage

This mini-series will begin December 24, 2015 and will end January 14, 2016.

So join me, as  you hear what a single girl's views are in regards relationships.

What are you most looking forward to in regards to this mini-series?

I would love to hear from you :)