The Silent Monster
Do you remember how as a child, you would always have “dad” check under your bed / in the closet for those nasty, scary, unwanted “creatures” out to ruin your night sleep (also known as monsters)?
Do you remember how your dad, knowing how important this monster hunt was to you, would exaggerate and pretend to pull and tug on those “darn monsters” and then with a big kick, he'd kick them out the door?
Yeah I remember that too! To me, my dad was (and still is) my superhero.
Do you remember when you reached the age of “there are no monsters in my closet or under my bed. Actually monsters don't exist!”
I was so happy when that age came. I don't know about you, but I just knew that I would never have to deal with that problem ever again.
Haha, yeeeeah, well …. was I wrong!
So … umm … I have this big scary monster … and well, he likes to think he's my shadow. He seems to follow me everywhere.
In fact I've decided to name him! Yes, yes, I've named this monster. I figure, if he's going to stick around, then he just needs to have a name. I'd like to introduce the monster named …
R E J E C T I O N
You see, Rejection has always been in my life. Of course, as a young girl, I didn't realize who exactly was following me around. Actually, I didn't realize it until I was bawling my eyes out the other night. As I thought about / analyzed everything I have experienced in my life, it made perfect sense … it was/is all due to Rejection (can you say light bulb moment?).
Allow me to give you the brief history between me and Rejection:
Rejection first made his appearance the day my father walked out on me and Mom. I couldn't understand why my “daddy” left.
At ten years old, my childhood best friend left for CA without saying goodbye.
I was always the last one chosen for games.
No one really liked being my friend.
I was told (by a guy) that I was too fat for any guy to like me.
… fast forward to this year …
I was given attention and affection by someone who could see I was naive and insecure. Who was a master of words, and knew what I needed / wanted to hear. Who has been given the opportunity to really show me that they meant what they said. Have they? Nope, Rejection has won the battle once again.
This last experience has really torn me apart. It changed me, for the good and the bad. It opened my eyes. It has made me grow up a bit more than before. It has made me make a huge decision in my life.
I feel God has allowed me to experience what I experienced this year for this one reason.
I have been living my life accepting Rejection. Making him my “best friend”. Allowing Rejection to be the norm in my life. Expecting to be rejected by everyone I become close to.
I didn't know it until just the other night, but me allowing Rejection to be the norm, has affected more than one aspect of my life. It has affected:
>> my Spiritual life
>> my attitude
>> my outlook on life
>> my trust
>> my attitude towards family
>> my attitude towards friends
And while it has affected those aspects of my life, the irony behind all this is this:
I'm terrified of Rejection!
Haha yeah I know, can you say contradictory? I hate the thought of being rejected. To this day, I think about the possibilities of being rejected.
Daddy leaving us
Friends leaving for no reason
Never being loved by a man to call my own
…. the list could go on!
What am I going to do about Rejection?
Well, I could go about it the childish way …
“Daaaaaddy! Daaaaaaaddy, heeeelp! There's a monster following me around! He won't leave me alone. Get him please Daddy, please!”
… and in a way, I did just that! Confused now? Let me clear up the confusion with the following verses:
“When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken.” Psalm 34:17-20
I didn't call out to my earthly Daddy, I've called out to my Heavenly Daddy. My Daddy has delivered me out of my troubles. He has saved me!
So to answer the question “What am I going to do about Rejection?”, I'm conquering him with Scripture! I'm tired of living my life accepting Rejection as the norm.
Now I know this new road isn't going to be easy. I'll always have Rejection longing to come back into my life, but I can't live captive to him … I need to overcome. As 2 Corinthians 12:9 says:
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”
I will gladly allow His power to be made perfect in my weakness. He is the strength I need to overcome. I can do all things (Philippians 4:13).
So I leave you with this:
This girl doesn't care if she's still the last one to be chosen in games – I've never been a fan of kickball anyways. If I'm never loved by a man to call my own, that's okay. I'm already loved by a man who thinks I'm to die for (literally!). If my friends decide to leave that's fine, can I ask one thing: will you please let me know what I did wrong, so I don't repeat it with my other friends? I'm ready to live my life as an over-comer of the not so scary monster …
… I'm ready to live it in the hands of the One who made me, loves me, and will never leave or forsake me!